Justice in the world

Ok, so I laughed at the guy who crashed his $1 million dollar Bugatti in a salt swamp this past week. Silly, silly stupid me. NEVER agitate the gremlins.

My wife's van has a total transmission explosion this same week but the shop has a loaner van.

The wife complains that the loaner van doesn't have a sticker for work and like the nice guy I am I let her borrow the car tonight. My car also has a killer stereo in it too.

So she's truckin' down the road listening to the stereo and a rain puddle has the audacity to make her lose control of the car as she's getting off Exit 67 past Johnson. She has to presence of mind to use some trees in the median of the exit to slow her down. One tree is kind enough to spin her around so she's facing traffic whizzing by at 80+ in the rain. Later on you will see that the tree didn't do this for free, it demanded solid payment for its kind deed.

So she lands in the knee deep water and another tree says "Hello, I'm Lindsey Lohaaaan!" as it comes crashing through the back window, shattering it.

She calls me telling me she drove the car off the road and can't get it back up and come get her. I say "Hmm, only a couple of hundred feet from where I rescued her earlier in the week" and cheerily get in the stinking loaner van.

I make my way in the drenching rain and get out of the van at the point in the highway where I see lots of blinking and flashing lights. As I climb down the embankment to the car I notice a front bumper that looks amazingly like mine laying in in the mud amidst the shattered tree limbs. It even has a license plate like mine that says "MOVE OVER" backwards so you can read it in your rear view window when I am on your tail.

Not realizing yet in my fog of being in the pouring rain that YES THOSE ARE PARTS OF MY CAR SCATTERED ALL OVER THE TREES AND LAYING IN THE KNEE DEEP WATER I say "Sucks to be that guy....." I says as I get closer to the car. Me and another nice guy help the wife out of the car and she's screaming about her freaking name tag for work. I look at my car and say:

"I'll trade you a name tag for my car back...."

As the wrecker pulls my car out my suspicions are realized as I no longer have a front bumper on my car. The engine is draining water out of it as it gets pulled from the ditch and the trees have lovingly left their marks all over my paint job. It's obvious the driver thinks it's totaled since he didn't even roll the few remaining windows up as he drove away in the pouring drenching rain. Other less important parts of my car get drug off and scatter down the road as the wrecker pull away.

I have a puzzled look on my face as I say:

"I just drove that to Wal-Mart and back, and that was the last time I ever get to drive it? That totally sucks. I would have gone to the Bottoms Up Club or Stephanies if I had known that was going to be my last time...."

Actually I say:

"But that's my bumper laying in the mud......"

That was my 9-11 car that I got from Ford for a no interest loan after 9-11. She even left the house at 9-11. It was paid for; the only thing I have left of it at the moment is the title in my safe...

Well, not to poke fun, but we have all had our misadventures.

If she was flying for the Japs in WW2 she'd be well on her way to being an ace by wrecking two American cars in one week.

I went to visit my car in the tow yard today to look at it in the daylight. The frame is bent so the car will be going from the tow yard to the salvage yard without passing the body shop and probably without me collecting the stereo or anything near the value of the stereo from the insurance adjuster.

I was totally bummed all day today. I will be unconscious tomorrow from getting an epidural injection in my back in the morning so maybe I will feel better after that. But not much better.

That car was paid for and I planned on keeping it another ten years. Maybe if my money situation changed and if I traded up I would be ok but I'll be lucky to get a 1969 luv bug for the money that the adjusters will be giving me.

Well look at it this way, instead of having a liscense plate that says "Move Over", maybe you will need one that says "Wait for Me".

Nah, I plan on getting that beat up '69 luv bug and then getting a big rear bumper sticker that says "If yer gonna ride my ass at least pull my hair"

Oops, was this a family oriented site?

Now the rental vehicle has been totaled. She flipped it on its back last night. At least she is again, ok.

My mom looked at the car today and can't believe she wasn't killed. That's two Guardian Angel tokens that my wife has used up in the past week.

I am in a Hee-Haw show. If it weren't for Bad Luck, I'd have no luck at all.

Ok, are you serious? Wrecked again? Seriously, is this a joke?

No, the rental is totaled. She flipped it on its back.

I took her to her doctor today and they wanted money up front instead of going through insurance (that is their policy in car accidents) so I took her to the Springdale hospital. They diagnosed her with a concussion so I will try to raise that as an extenuating circumstance with the Springdale DA.

I just can't prove that she had the concussion after she wrecked my car but before she wrecked the rental.

OK, so I leave the shop late Monday night after getting some packages ready to mail out from the shop; around 10:30 pm.

I head north on Gregg street and stop at the light at the intersection of Gregg and Township. Guy behind me decides NOT to stop and plows into me. My seat belt doesn't tighten up totally like it should and I get knocked below the level of the dash. When I raise back up with my hand grasping my neck the yahoo who hit me is gone (of course).

Minor damage to the van but I call for an ambulance since my neck is hurting so bad.

Wednesday is here and I'm not hurting as bad as I was yesterday but I am contemplating buying a mule to ride from here on. I'm sure my insurance loves me right now.

Dude, if your neck's hurting after an accident like that you should go see a chiropractor. There's one in Gentry I've been going to for the past week for an upper back problem, and he says that a good portion of people who come to him with major back and skeletal problems are people who were in an accident and got some tiny skeletal related injury they didn't even notice that turned into a major problem down the road because they didn't get it checked out.
I'm not trying to be the prophet of doom or anything, but I just felt like I should mention that.

...I have no words...

I went down in the ditch to visit my bumper so I could see if I could find my front license plate. The bumper shrugged when I asked it where the plate was and it pointed to a group of trees.

I staggered over to the trees and my REVO EVOM sign was hanging in a tree upside down by its toenails. It gratefully accepted my offer of a rescue attempt.

The trees and I fought for several minutes and the combat hung in the balance before I called in reinforcements. Five whacks of my cane later the trees grudgingly handed over the license plate that they had held hostage.

I clutched the sign my arms and beat a hasty retreat as the trees had called in reinforcements as well in the form of muddy water.

The license plate and I exchanged grateful salutations and things were going well until the license plate looked at me with tears welling in its eyes and said:

"Where's my freaking car? Last time I saw my Taurus it was spinning off down the embankment!"

"Don't ask" I replied. It frowned at me and I relented.

"Ok, it's in a salvage yard in Missouri" I said and instantly regretted my comment as the plate began shouting.

"Missouri? Why the hell Missouri? Why not just send it to Texas if you really want to put a bullet in my chest!"

It continued spouting epithats as I forced it into the van and drove off.

My wife was with me the entire time and rolled her eyes at me as we went down the highway.

"You are too crazy about that license plate!" she said as I stuffed the plate under my seat.

I am also not a fan of Missouri and I also hate Texas. Your license plate is a good man.

He has a ginvom personality.